Love hurts

Lately I have come across many actions and reactions  of people who say or do things in the name of love.

They say they love but when I look at their words , their deeds  I wonder:  “Do they understand love? Do they understand themselves?  Do they understand love or do  believe they do?

Do they act and react out of what they consider love”?

I’m asking “ is this loving”:

-           You do what I think is the best ……

-          If you do not do what I think is the best for you …..

-          What will others say if they know…… Shame on you!

-          If you behave the way I or others want you to ……

-          You have hurt me because you…..

-          If you love me you should forget yourself and others completely

-          If you love me I should come first always

-          If you love me you can understand me totally and I can understand you

-          Because I love you ,you are mine

Etc.etc.

I wonder if  there’s a mix up somewhere.

Is ‘to force’ the same as ‘to love’?

Where did own responsibility go?

Where is:  I respect (form of loving) your choice, even if I do not agree nor behave accordingly?

Where did the right to make mistakes go?

Where is : I’ll be there?

 Where is: I’ll do my best to understand?

Where is:  let’s talk and explain?

Where is: can we  both compromise ? Will we?

Where is loving?

It seems love can be translated in many ways but  to me it comes down to this :

Love is neutral.

Love knows many forms.

Love  is simple and complicated.

Love is free.

Love is.

Loving is an ongoing process.

Loving is not easy.

And yes when you hold expectations of how it/she/he/they should be: loving hurts.

 

In memory

Life like water can stream and stop. 

Yesterday I celebrated the start of my life and I feel gratefull as many remembered the day.

I spend this day of birth with some dear friends here in Holland.

Together we shared a piece of cake in honor of my life.

Together too we shared thoughts and emotions.  

Emotions of joy and  grief, laughter and sadness.

Thoughts of life and death while remembering the life of a man called Aat.

His earthly life force had left him Wednesday last and Saturday his body was cremated.

He was a gentle quiet man. He was a person to rely on.

His family and others came to him for advise which he provided gladly.

He  would explain what could happen if they chose this or that without pushing them towards a certain direction.  He left the responsibility where it belonged; with them.

I felt special these last few days to listen to stories, to share emotions  and memories; to be part of such love and to experience that love flowing freely.

I feel proud to have known him and to have shared my birthday with him and his dear ones.

His body has left but his consciousness, his energy has been and will be shared as life streams.

Ladies in Malaysia and Kuwait

In Malaysia a group of Muslim women say they will fight divorce, domestic violence and other problems  by appealing to wives to be more obedient.

In Kuwait a female political activist and former parliamentary candidate has recommended the legislation to the provision of enslaved female concubines for Muslim men in Kuwait. In a bid, she says, to protect those men from committing adultery or corruption.

When I read this my mind went  ????????

Bewilderment  is a word what comes up.

But let me see if I can understand what these ladies are aiming at.

The ladies, like all of us are influenced through nature and nurture.

Men and women are born out of women and unconsciously the child is influenced from the beginning.

We are influenced through our character, our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, feelings, our upbringing, parents, siblings, family, loved ones, teachers, institutions, rules, laws, circumstances etc. etc.

To me it looks like the ladies in Malaysia and Kuwait are searching for ways to experience stable loving relationships . The lady in Kuwait specifies protection.

All seem to look for a ways to undo hurt and harm.

All turn to other women to look for a solution.

In a way they seem to believe other women are holding the key to change.

They suggest that other women need to make a difference.

It seems they forgot to look at themselves.  Did they lose their ability to make a difference themselves or don't they know how? 

I like to tell these ladies that they are right when suggesting women can make a change.

Yes ladies in Malaysia and in Kuwait…..you can!

It takes courage, trust and respect.

Yes change is needed!

It starts by keeping condemnations at distance.

It starts through sharing experiences of love, harm and hurt. By saying out loud what is bothering the heart, mind and body.  

It starts through comparison of  ideas and beliefs. Not only of people you like and know but of others too. 

It starts through asking questions and through listening.

It starts by taking responsibility for words and deeds.

It needs standing up for one self and to support one another.

It needs to look the fear in the eyes!

Yes ladies you can create love and protection. Please start!

Articles :

http://www.dailystar.com.lb/News/International/2011/Jun-04/Malaysian-women-launch-The-Obedient-Wife-Club.ashx#axzz1OH3n3w48

http://www.kuwaittimes.net/read_news.php?newsid=MzQxNDA4NDA2

Thoughts regarding the slaughter of animals

Sometimes I sit in meditation and thoughts regarding specific subjects come to me.

This time I like to share my thoughts regarding the slaughter of animals.

It is necessary to apply rituals during  slaughter.

They are mend to give attention and respect to the animal offering itself.

Thanks needs to be said and the animal needs to be killed respectfully.

The meat needs cooling off and thanks needs to be said once more before it can be eaten.

Life's energy, like love, continues to flow.  By the dead of the animal the human can live.

Remember this and take notice!

Mass production is unclean and does not produce life. Instead it activates illness.

The women and men preparing the food  have a task too.

They need to transfer and educate the principle of thanks.

They need to prepare the meat with love and care, otherwise they should not bother.

4th of May

4th of May; another day where moms cry.

On de site of Ted.com  I listened to  the talk of Phyllis Rodriguez and Aicha el-Wafi .

Two moms who carry grief and longing for their child.

Rodriguez' son was killed in the World Trade Center attacks on September 11, 2001; El-Wafi's son Zacarias Moussaoui was convicted of a role in those attacks and is serving a life sentence.

These moms joined hands and are pleading to end the ways of violence.

On each  4^th day in May, at 20.00 hrs in Holland we remember the death.

During 2 minutes of silence we remember all  who died due to reasons of war.

We remember those who died as victim or liberator.  

But there is another group too.

The group of ‘grown up children’ who set their deeds as well, causing havoc and death.

They too were or are some one’s child; they too had or have moms mourning them.

Every moment 'children' act.

Please ‘children’ be aware of the voice of your heart;  be aware what thoughts of anger, envy and hatred can result into. Please before you act listen to the voice of your soul.

A child is born

A mom smiles

A child cries

A mom responds

A child needs

 A mom gives

A child acts

A mom adjusts

A child grows up

A mom worries

A child dies

Moms cry.

Human ..... dare to live!

Listening to this old Dutch song I felt the urge to translate some of the verses:

Human...dare to live!

People they tell you  to follow rules.

They proclaim: this should be the way to live!

You are allowed to see him, but not her,

That one is beneath us,

That one you should marry

(even if you don’t like to).

There you should live.

That is the only decent thing.

If you don’t you will be ignored,

like you did something real bad.

I ask you: “ is this living”?

Life is great,

Life is beautiful.

Dare to fly,

Do not crawl into a cage.

Human dare to live!

Keep your head held high,

Your nose in the wind,

Do not always listen to what others might think.

Keep your heart filled with warmth and love,

Be proud of  yourself,

Be your own ruler,

Cause what you are looking for,

No one else can give…..

Human dare to live!

Cross-roads

To choose

I look at the left.

I look at the right.

Now what?

I stay still.

To  reason

I ‘ll go to the left and ……

what will happen if ?

suppose ….

I wait.

Anxiety builds….

No …… it’s better if I take the right

I will ….

I shall ….

I can …..

Maybe …

But if ……

And stay still.

To do

I look again and

see a path straight ahead

I  move.

Feels good.